Not If But When

by Lost on Purpose

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  • The physical album features hand-screenprinted artwork of my own devising.

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released October 22, 2007



all rights reserved


Lost on Purpose Tokyo, Japan

I live in Japan. I used to live in Los Angeles. I like ramen and ice cream. I write music, check it out. I sound like Beethoven conducted by Beethoven the St. Bernard.

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Track Name: Guts
I’ve forgone being an infantryman
For the life of a salary man
Thank you Paul for the inspiration
I’ll carry the torch from here on out
What if I knew the seven soldiers killed today?

I wish it were you
Who broke up with me
So I could obsess
Over what should have been
I’d write twenty songs all about us
But give up halfway and go get drunk

Tell a story of modern times
As we struggle to live modern lives
Always connected but we’re so alone
That’s a truth we’ve always known
Have you seen your face in the dark?

Here I am in the same old place
Reciting lines to a different face
Evergreen smells like Christmas
I realize I’m going to miss this
Are you the rose that I lost?
Are you the hole in my gut?
Track Name: A Pencil Without Lead
A pencil without lead
Metaphor my head
A boxer who won’t fight
Two lovers at first sight
A broken beating heart
My thoughts becoming art
Seated by my side
We both begin to write

A needle pulling thread
Friends who want us dead
Transatlantic flight
Away from the third reich
A photograph of ghosts
Floating round your home
A number in your name
To me it’s all the same

Suit up your heart
(hope you’re satisfied baby, I love you, you love me)

A pencil without lead
A needle pulling thread
A photograph of ghosts
Floating round your home
Track Name: Return
I can’t get a rest
From this awful mess
These forces that divide us
In two separate souls
Have a common
Sense of purpose
To keep us out of love
As the weekend often does

You say the time was meaningful
I know, I know I’ve been a bit too cold
As such I’m bound to respect you

My sense is this
We’re waist deep in ifs
A concocted attraction
To give us something to do
While we figure out
What it was
That we should’ve knew

Well a little of this, a little of that
Today is just, just like the last
A little of this, a little of that
I’ll gladly give, everything back
A little of this, a little of that
September’s only one month back
A little of this, a little of that
A little villa’s a memory trap

You’re so on you own
You’ve always been alone
Cause in your dreams you’re seeing things
Without an ounce of control
You’ve learned to accept things
About my psychology
If we wish for different things
We’ll never want to let go

Your sense, your heart, your breath, your name
Your goals, your hopes, your dreams, your pain
Your friends, your job, your words, your past
Your faults, your loss, your first, your last
Your guilt, your shame, your right, your fear
Your call, your lust, you’re wrong, your cheer
Your cells, your blood, your sweat, your soul
Your all, you’re all, your all, you’re all
Track Name: FV
At first you were in love
Then unsettled answered hovered over your head
First to rise above
And completely understand nothing but who you are
Cancer of the stars
It’s your purpose to illuminate our way in the dark
Heal a broken heart
For everybody I know, for those who we’ve lost
Track Name: A Novel
Write another story
For people to read
Make it an historic
Murder mystery

Pour a gin and tonic
To further ease your mind
Your words are so melodic
Your characters divine

Drive into the desert
Off the beaten path
You’re counting on the weather
To humor you at last

Don’t care about the distance
The setting is the same
Develop your resistance
To anger fear and pain
To summers without rain
To books bearing your name
To memories in your brain
Two lovers without shame

Start it in Vienna
A murder in the street
And soon your hero enters in chapter three
The movie’s gonna make a mint just wait and see
He meets his love interest within a week

Just focus on me twice in the city made of light
Track Name: The 70s
I was a dead man in 1970
I’ll be a dead man in 2070
I was a dead man in 1970
I’ll be a dead man in 2070

And all that matters is what’s in between the 70s yeah

I was a dead man in 1970
I’ll be a dead man in 2070
I was a dead man in 1970
I’ll be a dead man in 2070

And all that matters is what’s in between the 70s yeah

I’ve been dead since time began til 1979
I’ve been dead since time began but right now I am alive
Yes I am alive

All that matters is what’s in between the 70s yeah
Track Name: Standing in the Eaves
Houses in my dreams
With you standing in the eaves
I’ll let you decide on the color
As long as I get to choose the chords
Track Name: Aztec
Get your head down, down under the table
This girl coming through might spawn a tornado
She used to be an ancient spice trader
She sharpened her tongue with 8th century sailors
And now she only understands the language only money can command
There’s Aztec blood in her past it pools under the guise of sweet romance

And I love her
Track Name: Navajo
I don’t seem to have a home
Like a misplaced Navajo
I’m on the road

Tooth by tooth, your smile’s slow
I see ten but there’s twenty to go
I’m not alone

You broke your back on the side of the road
Pulled at my heart, but I swear
You’re on your own

A little kiss is more than a shot
Especially if you’re especially hot
You are or you’re not

You are the light

You packed your bags and it’s time to go
You’re fooling yourself if you think
You’re on your own

Your eyes look the same shade as the sky
Clouds in your face
Make me want to cry

I’d give my life to learn how to sing
Songs that make you forget everything
Let’s drive and stir up the dust
Forget the past, now it’s only us

You are the light
Track Name: When I Laugh I Cry
You’re the first face I’ve seen in a while
Unbelievable as that sounds
You’re the reason why I left Ohio
It’s suddenly clear to me now

And when I laugh I cry

I write these songs to feel like I’m alive
It almost works sometimes
Music makes the world seem more real
Bathed in a cool white light

Don’t give up oh no it’s all you know it’s all you know you know
Don’t give up it’s all you know uh oh it’s all you know you know

And when I laugh I cry
And pine for summertime
I hold your hand in mine
I know I know I know I know
And when I laugh I cry
This world is yours and mine
And when I laugh I cry
Track Name: My Mind
My best don’t stand a chance
To start up a great romance
As we ride the rails through the heart of France
So learn about Ohio life
Everybody I knew was white
And I heard things that I believed til I learned they were lies

Well child think and child see
Plays piano and watches tv
Drinks beer but who really cares? There’s more that worries me
Got a gun so I got a shot
To right wrongs, yeah I got a lot
If things were ever up to me I’d mandate getting lost

You shouldn’t show what you’ve got going on in your mind
She might not like it, I think she’s scared of what she’ll find
In your mind, in your mind

I’ll never run out of dreams
As long as you’ve got me
I thought I told you never stop to think
I close my eyes and weep
As the music takes over me
And you finally find yourself among the lines you write and sing
Oh baby I put myself on the line
And swore that things were fine
But everybody knows that no one can be happy all the time
I should have been ready for this to hurt
God knows I expect the worst
You should’ve been a writer you paint pictures with your words

You shouldn’t show what you’ve got going on in your mind
She might not like it, I think she’s scared of what she’ll find
Is that enough to keep you staring in my eyes?
I just regret that I’m the only one who can’t hide
From my mind, from my mind, from my mind, from my mind
Track Name: FV2
It’s never, it’s never too late
To learn how to change, to start something great
The doctor’s tell you you’ll die, well just spit in their eye
You know it’s a lie

Starting with this song
Your life will be long, you’re so goddamn strong
I’ll tell you what I’ll do, I’ll always remember you
If it’s the last thing I do

Come it won’t be long
You went to heaven upon a song
Goodbye forever goodbye
I won’t let you die
Track Name: Ghosts Interlude
Dancing lines
Offer an escape for your mind
Now’s your time
To open up and see what you find

Jesus Christ
Drunk off all that miracle wine
Now’s the time

Just disappear
Like the ghosts
Who pass right through our cameras
Your friends are near
From coast to coast
An empty highway connecting souls
Track Name: Not If But When
It’s been long
It’s been a long time
Since I wrote

I’m alright
Just as long as
We settle down

Come my son
There’s one thing I should have done
As simple as the Sunday sun
On the heartbeat of our Mothers’ love
Knowing one day you’ll be gone
I know one day…

Like your Father who I should have known
Hold me closer to your smoke-filled lungs
I wish that this is how it could have gone

Who will stand above me all alone?
Thinking what to tell his unborn son
All the years and all the love we lost

Oh no no no

Part of me is already dead
You mean more than a world of friends

Oh no no no

Oh no no no